What's Your Poison?
by I'mThatAcroBat
Summary: Peter has successfully kept his secret identity from the team until one day Clint decides to get smart. Fluff ensues.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

The team was at Stark Towers by the bar Tony had just recently installed. Clint was making drinks and handing them to Bruce who then took them to the respectable person. Everyone else was lazying about, sprawled over one couch or another and talking as a rerun of Friends played quietly in the background. Everyone except Peter was in loungewear (something about a secret identity) but he didn't mind. The spandex were actually quite comfy, something Peter speculated had to do with Tony.

Said man was currently engaged in a good natured argument with Steve, probably over something entirely pointless. Peter smiled as he watched them from across the room. This was good for Tony to relax and hang with other humans for once. He had been cooped up in that lab of his for too long now, not eating or sleeping nearly enough to the point that the team has begun worrying.

"-dey. Hey, Spidey!" Peter was forced from his thoughts and jumped as a hand clapped him across his head. Sam looked at him amused. "You good man?"

Peter nodded slowly and let out a soft chuckle. "Sorry, guess I just zoned out." He turned towards where his name was called. Clint was watching him with an eyebrow raised. He didn't comment though and repeated his question. "What's your poison?"

The Spiderling crinkled his nose in confusion and Clint made a show of the options. Peter's eyes widened before answering. "Oh- uh. I'm good actually- Mr Stark...you wanna...?" Peter trailed off awkwardly, looking to his mentor for help.

Tony stopped his talk with Steve and cleared his throat. "Yeah Webs here doesn't do that. He's...", Tony waved his hands dramatically as he scrambled for a good excuse, "Allergic."

All conversation stopped as eyes and ears tuned in to the conversation. Clint gave the billionaire a look that he clearly knew that was BS. He kept his eyes on Tony as he scrutinized the genius's face for a lie. "He's allergic? To _every kind_ of alcoholic drink?" He crossed his arms and shifted his weight.

Peter's eyes widened in panic as he also attempted to find a reason for his "allergy" and before Tony could say another word, Peter blurted, "It's deadly to Spiders!"

The hero nodded to himself, sure they wouldn't be able to prove otherwise when Tony shook his head in warning. Natasha barked out a laugh and Bruce smiled gently at the ground. Peter stared at them, completely and utterly lost.

"What?"

Steve stepped up and spoke gently but firmly. "Do you not remember the time after you got hurt?"

Everyone in the room cringed or shot a pitying look his way at the memory. Peter felt uncomfortable at the sudden attention but tried to think back a bit a ways, muttering to himself as he recalled events out loud. Suddenly he stopped and the confusion morphed into horror. That particular day he had been though the ringer (almost quiet literally) and in critical condition when Tony had found him bleeding out on the concrete.

Bruce was called along with the advanced medical team at SI, and they began fixing Peter. Unfortunately, all of Bruce's knock out pills were gone and he had neglected to get more. The to the genius he is, Tony had run and got the strongest bottle of vodka he owned, practically forcing it down his protege's throat to numb him from the pain.

The mix of alcohol and pain that day caused him a foggy memory and only now did he remember.

This sucks.

Clint seemed to consider something for a moment before slowly dragging out his thoughts. "Now why would Spider-Man lie about not wanting to drink? I can't think of anything besides- no..." The Archer's eyes suddenly changed as he looked Peter over again. His voice was hoarse, "You can't be."

Peter was about to ask what Clint was thinking when suddenly the older man leaped over the counter top and quickly advanced on him.

The Spider took on a scared look as he backed away from the man, nearly tripping over his own two feet. The back of his calves were suddenly pressed against the low coffee table and Peter practically did a standing backbend as Clint loomed over him. They stood like that for a moment before in a movement of color, Peter flipped onto his hands and used them to press against he table, shooting out from under his teammate.

"Look man I don't know what you're- hey!" Pete was suddenly grabbed by his wrists and he yelped in surprise as they were forced behind him. He looked up into the apologetic eyes of Steve Rodgers. Not knowing what else to do against his strength, Peter have him a pleading look, but he super soldier just shrugged his shoulders as if saying "What can you do?"

Peter huffed as Clint once again neared him, this time gripping his collar. Tony watched on in a mixture of worry and amusement. He felt giddy like a child knowing something they didn't.

"Wanna maybe tell your team _exactly_ how old you are?" Peter cursed his luck but shook his head like a little kid that denied he had drawn with marker on the wall.

Clint smiled at the challenge, his hand moving from his prey's collar upwards. It froze though as a voice spoke out.

"I'd watch that hand if I were you Barton." The archer just smirked back at Tony and snorted. "Yeah right."

Tony didn't speak again, just raised his hands in mock surrender. The others suddenly got a weird feeling as Tony backed up behind the couch, a knowing smile still present on his lips.

Thor spoke first, a little hint of worry lining his words. "Maybe it isn't wise to provoke the Man of Spiders...I'm sure he has a sensible reason for keeping his identity a secret."

Clint nodded at him sarcastically. "Yeah, because he's some kid in college." He turned back towards a nervous Peter. "Ain't that right kid?" The team caught on and they all shared looks of varied curiosity.

Peter shook his head quickly in denial but he could tell they weren't buying it. He was starting to feel claustrophobic and agitated by his friend's sudden need to know his personal info. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Tony grinning like a mad man.

"Alright kiddo, let's see just how old you-" Just before Clint was able to get the mask above his mouth, Peter reacted.

He shoved Cap off of him, delivering a swift kick to his groin area without even glancing back. Before Clint could even register what happened, the "kid" took a step towards him and swept his own right foot behind his left, using the momentum to help turn his body sideways. He then used _that_ momentum to lock Clint's tricep in Peter's elbow and roll him over his back and onto the unforgiving ground.

Only a low moan from the man on the floor and a soft whimper from Steve was heard, everyone else had gone completely silent. Joey and Chandler were paused mid sentence the second Tony had tried to intervene and Friday had begun recording long before even that.

Suddenly a slow clapping interrupted the silence and all eyes fell on Tony Stark. He was walking towards Peter, looking impressed but not surprised. He stepped over Clint's abused form and faced Peter, who he wrapped his arm around in the fashion of a "proud dad".

"Well done kid, well done." Tony slapped a shocked Peter roughly on his back and the kid let out a soft protest. He seemed as surprised as anyone at what he had just done but recovered quickly. He shook the feeling off and smiled down at the offending party. "Trying to remove my mask is a big no no. Next time listen when Stark talks."

Peter made a scene of dusting off his hands and made his way purposely to the bar. He glanced at Clint who was still on the ground, groaning dramatically. He then slowly grabbed and held up a bottle of whiskey, studying it carefully. Peter turned his attention back to the sad form on the carpet with an eyebrow raised. Peter smiled innocently as he asked, "What's your poison?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

Peter flipped over another bad guy, firing a web into his face when Clint's voice rang through his comm. "So...Spider-Boy," Peter rolled his eyes as he elbowed some dude's nose, blood spurting onto his suit. Peter made a face at the substance and tried to wipe it off the best he could.

"What's your name, huh? Cause frankly- oops. Hold up." A loud grunt and crack caused Peter to cringe in pity for the recipient. "Cause I can't keep coming up with new versions of Spider-Man."

"Both of you, shut up and focus." Steve's voice came through clear and forcefully. Peter sputtered, he hadn't even said anything! Clint snorted but didn't speak again...for about five minutes.

Suddenly Peter's Spidey Sense screamed and he twisted, watching in shock as an arrow grazed his mask. Peter whipped his head around for the culprit and spotted Clint watching him from atop a building. "Oh, my bad Spidey." Peter wasn't amused though, if he hadn't turned another degree, his nose would no longer be attached to his face. Tony must have been nearby because he started telling Clint off for his little stunt.

Peter could head his heart pounding at the close encounter, and his lack of response caused Clint to hesitate. "I didn't get you did I?"

He did indeed get him for his mask was slightly torn, and some blood trickled from a scratch on his nose. Peter released a sob and not a moment later, someone had landed beside him.

"Ah hell man, I'm sorry." Clint watched as Peter just stood there, his breathing ragged. Blood dripped from the Spider's face but he couldn't pinpoint from where. A sick feeling suddenly over took the archer and he stepped towards his teammate.

When Clint neared him, Peter's breathing quickened and he began to hyperventilate, dropping to his knees and letting out a cry.

The older man was muttering every curse word under the sun as he gently held Peter's shoulders. "You're gunna be okay, you'll be fine..." Suddenly he wasn't addressing the fallen form on the ground but someone else. "We need help over here!"

When no one came or answered his cry for help, he began to panic.

 _Damn comm must be broken._

A noise brought his attention back to Spider-Man and Clint watched in horror as his eyes rolled back in his head and he went limp.

"No no no no wake up! Please wake up! Tony is going to kill me!" Clint looked up just in time to shoot an advancing bad guy in his stomach but didn't watch long enough to see if he was down or not. His attention was quickly back to the still form in his arms.

Peter's breaths were beginning to soften and Clint looked around for any sign of help. After coming to terms with the fact they were alone, the archer opted for gently tapping his teammate awake. "Come on, come on!" Then all at once, Peter breathed out but not back in.

Clint yelped and started attempting compressions to no avail. He thought back to his high school gym class and groaned at what he knew came next. "Alright Spider-Man, let's do this."

Clint slowly lifted the mask over Peter's lips to rest on his nose. He leaned in, nearly about to make contact with the other's lips when he noticed the cut on Peter's nose. "Wait a minute..." Suddenly he was flying through the air as he yelled out in surprise.

He landed solidly on his butt and took a moment to get up. When he was once again standing, he rubbed his now-bruised tail bone tenderly, wincing at the pain.

"What the-" Clint watched horror as Spider-Man stood without issue and wiped the dust from his suit. Clint blanched and rubbed his eyes, trying to make sense of what he was seeing.

Peter was a short distance away as he called to the archer. "Really now, Hawkeye! We've only known each other a little while, but if you insist..." He grinned widely at the blubbering man and then turned and walked away. He turned back and blew a kiss, battering his eyelashes dramatically.

"Toodles Hawkeye!" And then he disappeared behind a cloud of dust.

From his "busted" comm came the laughs and clapping of everyone on the team, including their little actor himself. "You won't even know my name when I _really_ die, so get over it."

Clint stumbled back towards the tower in a daze. It took him some time to heal from the humiliation but eventually he did indeed "get over it."

—

 **I'll apologize for the shortness of this chapter and any grammar or spelling mistakes made. I will however not apologize for the content ;)**


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